So that brings us to last night. I started to read 1 Corinthians and I wanted to read the whole book. I got to Chapter 12 and I couldn't focus anymore so I put my Bible away and went to bed. I opened my Bible back to where I left off and soon reached 1 Corinthians 13- also known as the love chapter. My phone rang so I picked it up, spoke with my friend briefly and went back to reading the Bible. As I was reading I couldn't believe how relevant the verses were to my situation and how God was talking to me about it! Incredible! But as I finished the rest of the Chapters I looked up at the book title and saw Hebrews staring back at me. WHAT?! How did I get there? Rational explanations ran through my mind: The pages flipped there. Well, I was in my bed so wind wasn't an issue. 1 Corinthians was laying flat, no book binding issues here, no siree. SO WHAT THE HECK? Even if I turned there in the minute and fifteen second conversation I had with my friend, I had no memory of doing it. My Faith tells me whatever the physical explanation, God wanted me to read this verse: Hebrews 13:5-6
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"
Over the last year and a half my financial situation has deteriorated to the point where as of now I have about $200 left to my name, no job, and I don't know if my denial of continued unemployment will be revoked. I've struggled in every possible way and it has sucked royally. I've struggled with moments of depression, anger at God, felt sorry for myself, wondered where the heck I've gone wrong and realized I LOVE money. I love being able to buy a piece of clothing whenever I want, to meet a friend for Starbucks and pay for them, to buy people presents and be able to pay my bills. All these things are attached to my love of money as well as my security.
I've known for sometimes that my security with money isn't Gods plan for me. He never wants us to love money more than Him, he knows how empty, fruitless and fleeting it is (at least in my case!) but He is always with me and never forsakes me. Isn't it interesting how out of all the quotes Paul could have used from Jesus when referencing money struggles, he chose words of comfort? I particularly love the last verse that says, "So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" I have struggled with fear and I haven't seen the Lord as my helper. Even more incredible is that God took me to that verse, in spite of my crappy attitude through this whole process. I don't know when things will change, but what can change now is my attitude and my dependence on God, not money.
Hoping you seek Jesus, you won't be disappointed.