I think there's a deeper meaning to my particular resolution - I'm aware I need to work on my flexibility/openness to life. The older I get the more sure I am of what I like. Maybe if I can open myself up to foods I don't like it can serve as a reminder to be open to other experiences. On the other hand, I wonder if by choosing something a little more on the easier side of resolutions I am continuing my tendencies of running away from anything I deem too hard. Who knew resolutions could be so telling?
2018 is off to a good start though, I rang in the New Year in a different state with an old friend, vacationed in Hawaii with my family and started a class at a community college that puts me on track with starting at a new grad school this Fall. I'm a bit apprehensive of the class, it's Biological Psychology so the science of the subject has my mindset firmly in the "I can't" camp. I know my limits and friends, this is one of them. Science may as well be taught to me in a foreign language for as much as I understand it. My brain feels like it's going to explode and my professor, while super generous and kind with his time and with our (ok my) questions throughout the class, he's one of those people who likes to give the latin root/history of the scientific jargon. So maybe my brain feeling like it's going to explode is related to information overload.
I started out 2018 with firm goals. A. Find Job. B. Get connected with friends in the Sacramento area now that I'm living here for the 3rd time. C. Work on writing again now that I have endless amounts of time. D. Blog more and with more purpose. E. Learn how to not waste time, "You have already succeeded in this area: GIVE OTHER OPTIONS A GO LEXI!!!" F. Find a Church that doesn't think Trump is the coming of God's Kingdom (Jesus, literally take the wheel because I can't anymore with your Church).
Pretty lofty right? Maybe the above list is why I went with "eating foods I usually say no to," for my New Years Resolution. So how am I doing, a mere 2 days from February 1st? I know I'm my harshest critic and all I can typically focus on is what I haven't done rather than what I have but I was travelling almost the entire month of January and I'm not one of those people who tries to incorporate their normal routine into vacation. I did survive that inbound ballistic missile while I was in Hawaii so I'd say I'm winning 2018 so far :)
The place I'm moving into isn't until February - I feel so grateful for that situation and that they let me unpack my stuff in December...however I left all my books and writing things there because I didn't want to focus on them while I was traveling. I have spent ample amounts on tv per usual because there is SO much good stuff. Sometimes it causes me pain because there are so many talented writers and I know that even though I have good ideas, I'll never write anything as good as Narcos or Breaking Bad. I did come up with two ideas for tv shows in Hawaii so that was pretty cool... I've reached out to friends and started looking for a church and had 2 job interviews that have amounted to nothing so far but I find myself still wishing I wasn't such a time waster. How do I fight against my complacency? I'm to blame. My choices get me where I'm at and how do you change fundamental things about yourself?
Maybe over the course of 2018 I'll find some answers, until then though, I guess I'll just be glad that so far I'm on top of homework and have written a blog. I hope your 2018 is off to a great start and if it's not, that things start to turn around soon!