Leading up to my birthday I didn't feel I was thriving at all. I've given myself the right to feel justified in feeling sorry for myself. Too many things have just gone wrong in quick succession without any sign of anything turning around. I've basically been spiraling into depression if I'm being honest. It's easy to question life's meaning and have "where do I go from here" running through my mind constantly. I still wonder what I'm here for and where I'm going but the reason I feel I can say I'm thriving in the midst of hardship is because of Christ.
Being in this situation is a result of unfortunate events, some events have been out of my control and some were a result because of the control I do have. However, I'm starting to realize that where I'm at matters very little. God says I am loved, and His love isn't determined by my pocketbook (or lack thereof). I've been reading some helpful Christian books and the Holy Spirit is on the move. I've become increasingly aware that I've made God very small. I haven't believed that God is who He says He is or that He can do what He says He can do. I haven't been a Bible believing Christian.
I'm becoming increasingly aware of my pattern to inconsistently believe that God is in control and has my best interest at heart. Rather than dwell on my disappointment in myself for not having more faith, I'm applying the Truth that God's love is bigger than my failures: even when I fail Him through my lack of trust. Thankfully, by remembering this, the enemy can't trap me in what would have been a further fall down the spiral of depression. By taking myself out of the equation and trusting that God loves me no matter what: I don't have to focus on my failures- I just have to trust that God is who He says He is: a God who forgives and is graceful. I also have to believe that God can do what He says He can do which is the ability to change me and do a good work in me and that He will work everything out for my good like Paul says in Romans 8:28.
So yes, I'm 30, and I will have to constantly remind myself that my lack of being where I thought I'd be at this age doesn't matter because I belong to the Lord. I don't have to worry about flirting (not that I ever do...) because Psalms 31 says that "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." And I don't have to worry about thriving because the only thing I need in order to thrive is a relationship with the Lord and I already have that. This time is precious to the Lord, I am at my weakest right now and I echo Paul's words in 2:Corinthians 12:9-11. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
With learning that all my hope is in the Lord, my prayer is that, whatever your struggle, the Holy Spirit will reveal all of this and more to you too. Jesus is all we need.