In my first blog post I talked about how life hasn't turned out the way I thought it was going to. After quitting my job I was kind of worried but there was also a sense of hope: hope that maybe it happened for a reason, that somehow, even though I didn't know how, it meant that something spectacular could happen. in the meantime one area of my life was quasi on schedule: I was dating someone. And not just dating, I met someone who in many ways is perfect for me, perfect as in a good match, cause obviously no one is perfect.
I've never dated anyone in my life, and I was starting to truly believe that I would never meet anyone worth dating. I'm a total people person so my interpersonal relationships tend to be the priority in my life. Dreams don't always come true so if I can have people in my life that make it beautiful: then those dreams not coming true seem to not matter, at least for me. But then again maybe that's cause finding true love is my ultimate dream. I liken myself to Ted on How I Met Your Mother..... except I'm a girl and I don't date or sleep around like he does.... anyway lol. I can't get into my personal dating life cause it's private and my blog isn't a tell all (shocking I know since I'm the girl not known for having secrets). But let's just say I'm single, not that I wasn't before, but now I'm super single.
So now my life is is filled with beginnings and endings. I'm about to start a job, I just started a life-coaching class through a church in San Dimas (Bill and Ted's hometown btw) and it's getting me extremely psyched. I'll be living in my third county in So Cal in a 9 month period, and I started this blog. My endings include dating someone and leaving the cousins I lived with and love very much in Hesperia. It's been said that life consists of seasons. I know this to be true, and in spite of the fear and frustration 2012 has been filled with, I am grateful and thankful for everything that has happened in my life this year. I strongly believe that God is not surprised by anything that has happened in 2012, and I know it's better to be thankful for the good no matter how brief the good was. I also believe that God sees the big picture while I only see a sliver. In the moment I can only see what's painful or inconvenient for me. I get and believe all of what I just said, I just get to a point where my brain can't handle any more lessons. I'm getting overwhelmed and even though I have perspective that life is filled with seasons, I'm exhausted from having too many in one year.
Thankfully I am starting to have more moments where I realize that everything is going to work out the way it works out and I need to learn to cope and figure out how to make life good when it's not where I think it should be. For example, I have had A LOT of time on my hands, Netflix and Jack in the Box have been a constant companion. Now that I am about to start a new nanny job in Orange County, along with my life coaching class, I am going to have next to no time on my hands and I'll have other things to think about than the thoughts that have been like a plague on my brain. I unfortunately do not have the ability to turn my brain off, unlike guys. It's also just basic math: the busier you are the less time you think about other things because you're mind is occupied with the tasks at hand. Soon my days will be filled with cleaning, cooking and helping kids with homework again. My free time will involve working on my book and studying for my life coaching class.
I don't know what lies ahead, what I do know is that life changes on a daily basis. I never know what's going to happen from one day to the next. What's true today isn't always true tomorrow. Part of one of my favorite quotes says: "Life aligns behind the new truth.”
I can't lie, there's this internal part of me that's freaking out: what if this is it? What if I'm a nanny for the rest of my life and I'm terminally single? The Christian part of me reprimands me and says, "Lexi, life is not about your happiness or dreams coming true, it's about knowing God and making him known." (YWAM is permanently in me) But the realistic part of me thinks that God created me to have interests and passions so it's okay to not be satisfied and want more for my life. Life isn't about just getting by or surviving, well at least not for Americans (and here's where I feel like crap since plenty of people don't have the basic necessities to survive).
Truth is, I know life isn't about always being happy, that's impossible, and sometimes dreams don't come true because life is life and it is what it is. Life is about knowing God and making Him known along with finding hope in Him and learning to be at peace wherever I'm at and trusting that God knows what's best for me.