First of all I meant to write this a few weeks ago right after we talked and then I just.... didn't. Something you said really resonated with me and I thought it deserved some more attention. When you mentioned that you're having a bit of a rough time having a good attitude at your job because you only have a few weeks left until you are back home (YAY!) and because of that teacher that sounds annoying, it made me think of my attitude over these last few months at the job that I'm at (with more than just a few weeks left to go in my case :(
Even though we are both perfectly justified with our attitude I think all it does is prevent us from being the people we should be as well as keeps in a selfish mindset. It isn't the people whom we come into contact's with fault that we are at where we're at. We're there because we chose to be there and we can choose what our attitude will be. Unfortunately I've yet to master not responding out of what I feel. My feelings are instead in charge and that does nobody any good. Wether we are intending to or not we are punishing those around us out of our own personal misery. Who knows what may happen if you choose to form a friendship with that mean teacher even in these last few days? I nanny for two kids who have some medium level behavioral issues (they haven't tried to physically hurt me so it could be worse) and they drive me nuts. Also, I don't really want to be doing this job in the first place and as of now it is my only option (other than living out of my car which would be worse). So when you combine kids you aren't attached to with a job that you don't want and other emotional crap from the worst year of your life it is extremely difficult to choose to play with the kids or to have a good attitude.
One big thing I've learned from giving into the feelings of hopelessness and other related emotions: I'm missing out on today because I'm too busy thinking of what might be. One verse that keeps plaguing me is: "Godliness with contentment is great gain."(1 Timothy 6) Sure, it makes me want to slap Paul for making me think about it and ignore the patient prodding's of the Holy Spirit but I can't seem to escape this idea that just because I'm not happy doesn't mean I get to act irresponsibly. Dang it. A few weeks back my pastor was essentially talking about how whether or not you have your dream life or feel "called" to a certain field of work, we are supposed to serve Christ and love him with our whole hearts no matter where we're at.
Please let me just remind you that my overall attitude is still pretty bad at this point. I'm not pretending to have any of this down, in fact, I'm such a bad place I know all of what I've said is truth but I have very little lived it out since being reminded of it. I still focus on my financial crisis instead of remembering Jesus' words of not worrying about tomorrow. I'm super lonely and don't have any friends in the area where I live but I scoff at "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." I love myself more than I love the Lord and I feel nowhere near bearing the name of "Christ Follower" since I haven't been "taking my cross up daily." Sometimes I think the only thing I have is my salvation. This is why grace makes the God of Christianity the only God worth knowing or pursuing. Because of his infinite grace and unwavering devotion to me, I have hope that He isn't anywhere close to being finished with me. He loves me too much to let go.
So, dear cousin, while I wish I could make everything better for you, just know that God is with you, he is aware of your circumstances and tired spirit. Remember that "Jesus is Lord of your breakthrough." (I thought this was a bible verse but when I googled it nothing came up). It was part of a prayer my dad used to read over his tithe each month.