Here's a brief recap of my life in recent years caught up to the present.
Do you ever have those moments when you long for a previous time in your life that at the time seemed complicated and "Woe is me" but then real problems start to arise years later and you realize those times were simpler and not complicated at all? I first started to be reminiscent of past experiences that were "tough" at about 25, shortly after my first real broken heart. My dramatic nature ensures my heart is broken often and I was usually the one that caused the broken heart, but this one, oof, this one was a doozy people. I still get eye rolls from my younger brother should "he who must not be mentioned" be spoken of in front of him, and looks of panic from friends who saw me through that difficult time.
In 2007 I found "the one," (or who I thought was the one, hence the quotes) the problem was he was too damaged to realize I was "the one" back. Truth be told it kills me I'll never know if he felt the same, cause folks, this ain't the movies. Guys don't fall to their knees and say they messed up years after they've royally screwed up. It just doesn't happen. I've made my peace with this so I figure the best thing to do is enlighten those girls out there who are presently suffering from the same delusion I was. Anyway, the point is that it was late 2008, I was 25, living in a new state and pining for "the one" who was at the time 2,000 miles away and ignoring my phone calls. It was then, that I realized I missed January-July of 2007 when I had spent six months on a missions trip with difficult leadership and no real time to myself (I may be an extrovert, but I need my down time).
In hindsight it was the best time of my life, while I was there however, some of the time I could only focus on the negative. Thankfully, I believe God is a personal God who is faithful and He used the Holy Spirit to show me how stinking amazing that trip and time in my life was. So there I was in late 2008, missing who I thought to believe was the love of my life, and yearning for that time in 2007 when I had no idea who the love of my life was and everything was more simple. I spent the next three years far from immediate family and childhood friends to live with my mom's side of the family and an awesome new network of really good friends.
Towards the end of my time there, I also went to college where I had the time of my life in spite of some of my guy friends turning out to be less than what anyone deserves in friendship. I left college a little jilted in that area but completely filled with friends who never once let me down. Tonight, I am longing for my college years, which, coincidentally ended seven months ago. Two days after I graduated I moved to Southern California, what I refer to as my final destination on this earth because I want to live here for rest of my life. It definitely has NOT in any way come close to what I thought it would be, but then again my only goal was to GET to Southern California so in that sense: mission accomplished. Since then, (and this is the dramatic part of me) I feel like my life has fallen apart.
When I think back to when the plane touched down at LAX, I was hopeful as I stepped off the plane, very close to kissing the ground out of happiness. Who knew what lay ahead? Instead, I spent five months sharing a double bed with my sister in Glendora, hands down the crappiest city in Southern California. In the city of Glendora, you are not allowed to park your car on the street between the hours of 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. which meant that for four women sharing a tiny house, we had to play magical cars in the driveway. My roommates were fine so at least I escaped that headache. My job however was TORTURE.
When I moved back to California I decided to transfer with Bed Bath and Beyond, and ended up working less than a mile from my new So Cal home. This was good because I didn't have a gas bill, and seeing as I was living off of my credit card and only getting 10-18 hours a week at $11 an hour, well I needed all the help I could get. I went vegan for a month and did pretty well except for that one (or four) time(s) I had FRO-YO (Frozen Yogurt: or what for some reason my brain likes to call Frogen Yogurt). But my love of meat won out in the end. I still try to stay away from dairy but butter IS divinity as Amy March says in the movie Little Women and I will not live life without butter.....or ice cream, and apparently Fro-yo.
Eventually my credit card was maxed out and the ten jobs I applied for that required a Communication Arts degree never called me. Out of desperation I applied through a nanny agency and got a wonderful position as a live-in nanny. You know the expression if something seems too good to be true it probably is? Well, a few weeks ago, two months after I started my awesome nanny gig, I learned how true these words are. Without going into too much detail, I felt, in that moment it was best that I leave the job. After I left I got the flu for ELEVEN DAYS. I've been feeling back to normal more or less for the last two days, so the recovery has been pretty slow.
Now homeless, I spent a couple days in a studio with a friend. Where to go now? My sister had suggested a few days earlier that I contact my cousins in Hesperia California. After explaining my situation they said I could come stay with them as long as I wanted. I had a nanny interview for another live-in job in the same city as my last one and it was offered to me. After much discouragement from the nanny agency to accept it and not having a great feeling about the position, I decided not to accept the job.
So now we are are lead to tonight, where I say my adventure begins. I have $1800 in my bank account and more bills than I can handle so I'm back out in the unemployed parade, but this time I'm not going to despair. I have the best family in the world helping me out and you never know when an opportunity is just around the corner. I'm tired of having a negative victim type attitude when things don't work out. That kind of attitude only makes a sad situation more miserable. I can only do what I can do on my end, which is continually job hunt, trust the Lord, and write about it (lucky you)! So that's all you need to know to read my blog. My unemployed adventure has begun.