"We try to make sense of it and then we move on." - Cal Lightman
But this made me think: what's the point in wasting time trying to make sense of something that won't ever make sense? Either because there is no sense to be made of it because I can't make sense of something I'll never understand or even if I did get all the information I need from the situation I'm trying to make sense of, that doesn't mean I'd be able to understand the situation or even that it would make me feel better. I can only try to make sense of the situation with the information I have and usually the information isn't enough or I was lied to. In either case I won't ever know for sure unless truth enters the equation. And when does that happen? When is someone willing to come forward and say "Yep, I lied, here's what was really going on...."
I get angry when I'm treated badly, I want justice, I want an apology, I want to be treated the way I treat the people in my life. I would never lie to my friends. And because I treat my friends the way I want to be treated, I get upset when I am fooled; that my faith and trust has rendered me vulnerable, naive, and worst of all confused. Thankfully, I am learning to accept what I did wrong in the situation and choose to move on, even if it doesn't feel good. Even if I want to analyze and figure out (make sense of a situation as mentioned above) the answers and get the truth, I can't waste time thinking I will get the outcome I'm hoping for (whether that be answers or for it to go in my favor).
I'm always willing to verbally process through my fears and thoughts but lately I'm realizing the wisdom in staying silent. By being silent you can learn a lot. Time really does reveal truth, maybe not the whole truth, but enough to know that silence is sometimes the answer. I just wish I could not care to know everything about a situation. It would be nice to drop the matter at hand and not care that life hasn't gone the way I thought and hoped and expected it would.
"I know something is broken, and I'm trying to fix it." - Coldplay
I know there is good in life, and I can't complain, I have a great life filled with wonderful friends. I just tend to focus on the negative when there seems to be more of that than positive. Especially when it all happens in a short amount of time. I've had several of these situations in the last 3-5 years, where everything that could go wrong (short of death etc.) goes wrong. I don't even see the ball, let alone see it's a curve ball headed my way. I still keep swinging the bat like an idiot. Maybe this time I'll see the ball coming though. I've noticed I'm getting better at having a more positive perspective on life not working out. When I get enough experience in any area I start to adapt better the next time the same situation comes along. I may have the same thought as John McClain in Die Hard 2: "How can the same s*** happen to the same guy twice?" But who knows, maybe this time I'll hit that curve ball and make it a home run. Like Leah said when Judah was born, "This time I will praise the Lord." (My translation) - This time I'm going to handle my situations differently.
"When the truth is, that I miss you
Yeah the truth is, I miss you so." - Coldplay