Other than hormones I couldn't really tell you why this Valentines Day has been a little hard (I am not, for the record, crying into a gallon of ice cream while I watch a chick flick masquerading as realistic romance). Tonight I will write this blog and enjoy this tea:
But this year, there are so many more couples in my instagram feed and I know 7 people getting married this year. 7 people... Moving on... The thing is, I overcame my value being attached to my relationship status long ago - I'm borderline disillusioned with the opposite sex anyway, and on most days I'm content. I have bigger dreams than being in a relationship. But every so often, and the last few months have been building, culminating in today - I feel the longing for a mate.
I occasionally wonder if there's something wrong with me; If God is calling me to singleness then what more than 33 years of it do I need to get the message already? I hate hoping in this area and about 4 years ago I decided I'd had enough. I was no longer going to waste my thoughts on what could be and learn to accept what was. Mostly it's worked for me. I don't want or need your pity. Mostly, I want it to be known that it's perfectly normal for a single person to 300 days of the year not even think about dating or marriage but have the rest filled with longing that infects my contentedness. I need you to let me vent without thinking I'm secretly plotting my suicide. Because singleness is not a punishment, and I love many aspects of it.
I'm thankful to the good Lord for restructuring my thoughts and showing me I'm worth more than I've settled for in the past. Truth wins every time when I remember the love I have in Christ isn't a consolation prize but the narrow path few find - married or single. I remember that I was brought up in a very particular home and I have to fight what was assumed about my future and remind myself I'm not unlovable because their assumptions haven't panned out. There is such a thing as God's timing and as one blogger said, "I would much rather spend this day, and a lifetime, with someone who's worth waiting for."
I'm reminded by a friend who bought me flowers today (see below), that in our age of social media, people are claiming to have lives they're not really leading. Memories of past mistakes are thankful moments on days like today when I think I could have ended up with one of them. The most important advice my dad ever gave me breaks through any pangs of sadness: "It's better to be single and miserable than married and miserable." And I immediately think about how I'm not miserable. Not even a little bit.
I have the love an all sufficient Savior. An older sister who puts up with a selfish little sister. A younger brother who has brought me more joy I never knew I could know. Two Laura's (!) and most people don't even have one. A baby girl who brightens up every day and shows me the purest form of love.... and let's not forget the best perk of being single, as Lucy Eleanor Moderatz pointed out, "sole possession of the remote control."
And then my thoughts once again restructure themselves - I drink tea and write a blog and thank God for all my blessings, even my singleness. Happy Valentine's day <3